There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed a …

Friday was a bitter-sweet day—a day I’ve looked forward to for about 9 months now, if not the last few years. The previous two weeks, especially, have been filled with anxious anticipation building up to Friday at 1:30, but when the time finally got here, I found myself inconsolable. It was…my last day of work!

It’s not that I want to keep working. In fact, I’m pretty sure I hate my job. I’ve spent many a morning wishing I could find a legitimate reason to call in sick, and spending the rest of the day wishing I’d gone through with it. I’m actually not entirely sure why I couldn’t stop crying. Perhaps it’s because I’ve worked there for over 5 years now, I may not be going back, and I actually really like the people I work with. They’re my daytime family. They’re my work moms (all the ladies in their 50s named Cathy or Mary), my lunchtime TV gossip friends, and my officemates with whom I’ve shared years of life events.

Perhaps I’ll miss the kids I’ve worked with and how they never fail to make me laugh. The other day a first-grader who has autism, and whom I’ve worked with almost all year, seamed to notice my distorted belly for the first time, exclaiming, “What’s wrong with your belly?” I smiled understandingly and replied, “That’s where my baby is.” Terrified, and in all seriousness, he questioned, “Did you swallow it?” Now, usually I try to hold in my laughter and make a matter-of-fact type response to such questions, but it was a no-go this time. I now not only cry without knowing why, but I apparently also laugh uncontrollably at small children with cognitive disabilities. I was, fortunately, able to withstand replying, “Yes, and if you’re not careful, you’re next!”

Perhaps it was the possibility (however slight) that I could be walking away from a career away from home all together; that it wasn’t just the end of one job, but that there may not be another one in my future. Most of what I thought I wanted my life to be like 15 years ago is completely foreign to me now, and the idea of being a career minded, independent person, could be saying a final farewell.

Maybe I was just exhausted from working 12 hour days during conference week, or perhaps it was irrepressible happiness. Possibly, it was indigestion from devouring my child. Whatever the reason, I was certainly over it by the time I got home, and I’m really excited for what the future holds.