Apples Don’t Fall Far From the Tree

Now, I work in special education, and needless to say, there are some truly inspirational parents out there who give 110% to their children. However, those parents don’t make for good blogging, and just when I’m starting to worry about our capability of raising another human being, one of the…well…not so devoted parents reminds me that no matter how bad of a parent I’ll be, I can’t possibly be as ridiculous as them.

In the four years I’ve worked in the schools, I never fail to be under-amazed by parents. I do understand that there are a variety of socioeconomic, tragic, and unfortunate situations that often lead to less than stellar parenting skills, but today truly lead to an all time low.

For the first time in four years, a parent actually fell asleep…or perhaps past out…while talking on the phone with me. No, I’m not exaggerating. After 4 rings, I was greeted with a more than groggy, “hello”. When I asked for the parent, I got a half grunted, “uh huh.” I then introduced myself and explained the reason for my call was to set up two separate meetings regarding her child. After giving the first date and time, I got another grunted, “uh huh.” Then, I went on to give the suggested time for the second meeting only to be responded to by silence. After a few moments, I heard what can only be described as snoring or gurgling. I shyly asked, “Are you still there?” only to receive more snoring. I then more loudly asked, “Can you hear me?” Again, snorty gurgling. Finally, I just gave a rather loud, “hello!” Alas, I got another half hearted “ah huh”. As my office mates can attest, at this point I just wanted to get off the phone lest I burst out laughing right in her ear.

So, I quickly repeated the dates and times and waited through a few more seconds of silence before asking, “Okay?” I did get an, “okay” in return and considered it appropriate to hang up quickly and then relay my story to all four of my curious office mates.

Now, I know that we will not be perfect parents, but I can say with fair certainty that I will never fall asleep and/or pass out while talking on the phone with my child’s teachers. So, thank you under-amazing parent. I now have a renewed confidence in my future parenting abilities.

No Need to Worry...

Well, the wedding came and went. And, though I'd planned on only telling people when they asked, I could not contain myself. So, pretty much anytime I saw someone, I'd just tell them my wife was pregnant. At times, it probably even seemed inappropriate; the conversation went something like: "Hey, good to see you, my wife is pregnant." Or, "Hey you person I've not seen since high school, my wife is pregnant."

What's more, I can't seem to figure out if this is a result of excitement, disbelief, or sheer paranoia. Indeed, when people ask, I say I'm excited. But, I'd be lying if I didn't say, at least, a part of me is incredibly freaked out.

Perhaps part of the problem is that I tend to be, at least somewhat of, a control freak. And herein is the problem. This is something which I can't control at all. For one thing, I'm about 5 foot nothing and am bow-legged. These are not, exactly, traits I want to pass onto my child. Furthermore, my dad is average height and my mom does not even break 4'11" [she's so cute]. So, it's pretty clear that my genes tend to contain the tininess factor.

My wife's genes, on the other hand, are more variable. Though she, herself, is not much taller than myself, she has a brother who is probably about 9 feet--and skinny as a rail. Worse, I think he can beat my up.

All this is to say that I don't want to get beat up by my child. The good news is that, I didn't interrupt anyone's wedding by being so flagrant with the baby news. In fact, the wedding went off without a hitch...or I guess it went on with a "hitch." Of course, I don't think I actually told the bride. That may be why.