The Sophisticated Pregnant Chick...

That's what I'm going to call my wife from now on. Okay, I'd better back up and provide some context.

You see, my wife needs "maternity" clothes. And, being that we are way cool nowadays, we made our way over to J.C. Penney. Of course, it was in the middle of prom season or something going on at the local high schools, so there were many a young girl present seeking their flowing ceremonial garb. Nonetheless, I felt a little awkward walking around the store looking for dresses. I should highlight the word "dresses." I mean, does she really need more than one? Here's the issue: she only wears a dress about once a year. And, the entire pregnancy deal lasts 9 months, right? What's more, she's only going to be big for about half of it, right? That means she'll be big for about 4.5 months; that's about 1/3 of a year. Are you following? What are the odds she needs more than one dress? Very low. Of course, this reasoning does not matter. In the end, I was forced to continue following her around amongst the teens and their mothers. After all, she says, you can't have too many dresses. Hey, if that's true, perhaps I'll go buy one for myself too.

Anyways, from J.C. Penney, it was on to the "Motherhood" store, where they specialize in these maternity clothes. Now, is it just me, or are these, particular, clothes a lot cooler than they were when my mom was pregnant. Of course, this is the same generation that invented bell bottoms, so they may not be the ones to look back to for stylish duds. Still, taking that into account, it seems like the clothes are a lot cooler. I remember my mom spent most of her pregnancies in sweat pants and rain jackets. Of course, she was a stay-at-home mom, and perhaps she was not required to dress well, unlike many of the pregnant women nowadays who have to look presentable for work. But, whatever the reason, pregnant women are now fashionable.

Overall, shopping for maternity clothes was pretty fun. In fact, there is a little pad in the dressing room whereby the women can put it around her to visualize what she will look like when she gets bigger. Being the good husband I am, I put it around myself and rubbed my belly. One problem, though: there are no instructions, so I ended up looking more like I had a tumor than a child. I must admit, my wife looked much more natural manipulating the device.

So, the maternity clothes shopping day was a great success with my wife walking away with several shirts and a pair of pants. Notice something missing? That's right, she didn't end up getting a dress. After all that looking, there were none that she liked. So, I've concluded that her shopping habits do not change when she's pregnant.