Could I Just Get Some Damn Cookies!

Thanks to the holidays, traveling, and then returning to work I haven’t kept up with my blogging very well. But, when my husband commented that our blog was now “lame”, I found myself wanting to retort, “No, you’re lame!” Being that I feel so defensive over something I didn’t even start, I thought I should probably make another entry and promise to be more consistent in the future.

So, two people walk into a baby superstore…It sounds like the beginning of a joke, only by the end the people are either arguing, crying, passed out from exhaustion, or all of the above.

At first, I thought we wouldn’t register for gifts. After all, I have only a slight clue about what we’ll really need once peanut arrives, and I figured that other, more experienced folk, would buy us what they found to be essential (that is, if they give us a gift at all, which certainly isn’t necessary). However, after being asked for the bazillionth time where we are registered, I realized that people who want to be creative will be no matter what, but most just want to be told what you want. So, off we went to Baby’s-R-Us.

After waiting at the registry counter for over 25 min. while grandma-employee explained every detail of every page of the registry manual (yes, this procedure is so complicated, it requires a manual) to the couple in front of us, a chipper young woman came out of the blue to help us. She proceeded to sit down, and within 5 minutes had gone through the whole manual, handed us a gun, and sent us on our way. I still have no idea what the heck she said, but I’m pretty sure she had consumed a triple shot of something before “helping” us. The wall-o-bottles came first. Oh, what brand? What style? What size? What the hell are we doing? This was when my husband decided to take charge and began randomly scanning anything in front of him…but wait…how do we delete stuff again? We worked our way through the Costcoesque isles trying to ask ourselves, “Do we really need that?” At one point another shopper peered over our shoulders to say, “You don’t really need that. A towel works just as well.” YES! We already have towels…score! An hour into the labyrinth, just as I was feeling faint, and my husband was mumbling to himself, we reached the oasis of rocking chairs. Now, rocking chairs in the middle of the back of the store are a great idea, but seriously, where are the snacks and juice?! Everyone knows pregnant women need cookies and juice!!! Starbucks is missing out on a serious opportunity here! Another, haggard looking shopper explained to us that her first time there, she spent 4 hours trying to register and that she had come back to finish. Well, upward and onward, we must press forward and finish. But why, oh why, is the bathroom at the opposite corner of the store. Don’t they know pregnant women shop there? We need bathrooms in every corner! And where are my damn cookies!!! We reached the finish line, feeling as if we had just scanned every item in the store, hungry and tired, only to have the help-desk guy tell us that our registry was only about half the average size. Well Mr. Help Desk Guy, maybe if I’d gotten some cookies and juice, I’d have had the strength to lift the scan gun a few more times!